Life, The Universe and Everything

I want to play all day!

2009-09-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

The flute that is! I am seriously addicted to practising, it's like once I start, I do not want to stop, and I always practise until the very very last minute before I really got to leave home to teach tuition. Now I can finally understand how music students can practise 7, 8 hours a day. If I had my way, I will gladly (and easily) do that too! Nowadays, my life revolves around the flute, and my schedule basically involves arranging everything else in a way such that I maximize my time for practising. Everything I do, I do it for the music. Exercise regularly? To keep fit for the flute of course. Eat well and drink a lot of water? Well if I fall sick I cannot practise right? Crazy but true.

Even when I am out, I am forever thinking about the flute. How can I get that kind of sound? How should I adjust my embouchure? Maybe I can try this instead of that? Even when I am teaching tuition, I am only paying like 10% of my attention to the student (well that's more than enough for secondary school/junior college work), and I will divert the rest of my brain thinking about...music of course! Multi-tasking FTW!

Seriously, I guess when it comes to something I am passionate about, I am THAT obsessive. If I want to do something, I either put in 110% heart and soul, or I don't do it at all. There is a friend of mine who is even more hardcore than me. She is studying for her music masters in UK now (she graduated with a bachelor in ENGINEERING), and in addition to her normal modules, she is taking extra modules to catch up on undergrad work, spend almost all her free time practising and doing readings, while living alone and having to do all the household chores herself. I have nothing but the utmost respect for her courage, perseverance and determination, and she has been a constant source of inspiration to me for years already. But I can totally understand why she is willing to undergo all these; I will definitely do the same too. I guess this is something only musicians will understand: to us, music is everything, it is for life, and there is nothing else which matters.

Next up, I intend to start a series entitled, "On Playing The Flute". I want to collect my thoughts and observations about flute playing as they come along, and share it with everyone. I guess it can be interesting to other flautists and musicians, or just some alternative reading for everyone I suppose. So...stay tuned!

Beset by self-doubt

2009-08-24T22:25:00.003+08:00

It seems that the more I practise, the less confidence I have in my playing. During these few months of practising, I have become acutely aware of my own playing, and I can hear SO MANY inadequacies. I cannot even achieve simple things like playing evenly from the lowest to the highest notes...ok granted, that isn't simple at all, but still, as someone hoping to turn professional one day, I feel that is like the BARE MINIMUM I have to be at this moment. It is like...so basic. I hope I can at least reach that before the audition.

I am also constantly thinking about my own playing, and I wish I can do nothing but just practise everyday. It doesn't help that I can't do that because I need go out and teach tuition, and I haven't been sleeping well at all thus I am far from being in optimum physical state to play my best. When I hear recordings of great flute-playing, how I wish I can play like that someday, and after that I will feel very discouraged and start questioning myself if I can even reach HALF of that standard. I have so many things I need to work on, and it seems like the more I practise, the worse I sound. I cannot help but doubt if I am really good enough for this.

I really need that breakthrough to keep me encouraged. This feels really scary and disheartening. All I can do is to just keep on practising.

A Musical Platter

2009-07-25T20:00:00.004+08:00

Hi friends, I will be holding my second recital soon, and here are the details for it:

Date: 25/7/09, Saturday
Time: 8pm
Venue: Young Musicians' Society Choral Studio (On the 2nd level of the building)
Admission: Free

Performers:

1. Christine Octaviani (Piano)
2. Ian Lum (Clarinet)
3. Charmaine Tan (Voice)
4. Low Kee Cai (Flute)
5. Lee Weixun (guest player for piano duet)

Programme:

1. Sonata in B-flat, BWV1020 (J.S. Bach)
i. Allegro
ii. Adagio
iii. Allegro
2. Variations on a Theme by Rode, Op. 33. "La Ricordanza" (Czerny)
3. Jeux d'eau (Ravel)
4. Meine Liebe ist grun (Felix Schumann)
5. La Promessa (Rossini)
6. Vergebliches Ständchen (Brahms)
7. Non so più cosa son cosa faccio (Mozart)
8. Five Bagatelles, Op. 23 (Finzi)
i. Prelude
ii. Romance
v. Fughetta

-Intermission-

9. Ballade No. 4 in F minor, Op. 52 (Chopin)
10. Fantasie, Op. 79 (Fauré)
11. Wie Melodien zieht es mir (Brahms)
12. Voi, che Sapete (Mozart)
13. Love's philosophy (Quilter)
14. Five Bagatelles, Op. 23 (Finzi)
iii. Carol
iv. Forlana
15. Pas Redoublié, Op. 83 (Saint-Saëns)

There are very limited seats in the studio, so if you are interested to attend, please let me know by either leaving a message on my tag-board, msn-ing or sms me! Thanks, and hope to see you there!

"I love her, but I am not in love with her"

2009-07-01T20:32:00.005+08:00

Pretty interesting quote eh? It's from a book I am reading now. So do you have anyone like that in your life?

Just now I was almost knocked down by a motorcycle because I was thinking about my Bach sonata while crossing the road lol.

If anyone's curious, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth; all I am doing nowadays is teach tuition and practise flute and nothing much otherwise. Oh, and I am intending to read up on writing poems.

A couple of book and manga recommendations

2009-06-07T22:52:00.003+08:00

I just devoured all fifteen volumes of the manga "Battle Royale", and recently started on Anthony Burgess' "A Clockwork Orange". I will keep the recommendations short:

"Battle Royale combines the horror and violence of A Clockwork Orange and Lord of The Flies' insight into human nature and depravity....a true masterpiece"

"The basis for one of the most notorious films ever made, A Clockwork Orange is both a virtuoso performance from an electrifying prose stylist and a serious exploration of the morality of free will"

If you are looking for thought-provoking reading with some extremely mature themes, then there you have it. Make sure you have the stomach for some very disturbing material and graphic violence and gore, but it's all worth it if you can see past all those and not simply judge the titles by them. They are definitely NOT for the faint-hearted.

You can find "Battle Royale" here. As for "A Clockwork Orange"...go get the book yourself! Or you can check out the movie version first if you are interested.

It's My Life

2009-05-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

If I have a theme song, it will definitely be Jon Bon Jovi's "It's My Life". Let's hear part of the song *ahem*:

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life
and it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

The song is totally me.

Anyway, I had my last paper as an Engineering undergraduate last Monday, and I can't say I am very thrilled about it. Yes, I am definitely VERY glad that I am finally washing my hands off Engineering, but this also brings about a whole new set of stuff for me to ponder about. Where is my future going? What am I going to do now? What options do I have? Uncertainties are abound.

I want to audition for YST next February, and in the meantime I'll need to really drill my playing and find some work for some income. Am I scared? You bet I am, in fact, I am terrified; every second I take into the future is filled with trepidation. Am I good enough for YST? Even if I am good enough, do I have the talent to survive in music? I am so painfully aware of the deficiencies in my playing, and I am so fearful that this is all I have, that I cannot never reach professional levels no matter how hard I practise. Under the unpenetratable canopy of the future, my life is flowing into a dark and unknown river; at the end I may arrive at an ocean of opportunities, or I may just crash down a waterfall.

And then there are the societal pressures. If I get into YST next year, I will graduate when I'm nearly 30, and I still wouldn't have much to my name. Societies, at least Asian ones, have this unspoken demand on guys: A man should have achieved something by the time he is around 30, and he should be about ready to start a family. I understand this, and I wish I can ignore it, but it is really very difficult. And when I think about my parents, I wonder, "Is this something a filial son should be doing?" I will not be able to support them anytime soon, and although I know they will understand and want me to do what I love, I cannot help but feel this invisible hand strangling me, suffocating me.

I feel torn and scared, but I am still going to move on. I do not want to regret not even trying, and I rather 'waste' the past four years in NUS than destroying the rest of my life doing something I hate. It's amazing ain't it, the drive and fire in a person who has found his love. It's my life, and I will decide how to lead it. I just really hope things will turn out fine eventually.

You better stand tall
When they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break
Baby, don't back down...

Quick update

2009-04-19T17:42:00.003+08:00

Final project deadline is on 21/4, next Tuesday. I have four papers, and my exams end on the 4/5. I need to cramp four modules of work into roughly one week plus of revision, which I'll say will be my worst semester ever.

InTempo 2009

2009-03-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

Copy pasta from my Facebook note.

InTempo 2009 is finally over. My life for the past three months revolved around the concert, and now I feel like I have woke up from a dream. Speaking of which, for the two nights before the concert, I actually dreamt of really looking forward to the concert. That tells you how important this concert was to me.

To me, InTempo 2009 was a huge success. Although I regret not playing well for myself, what was important was that people, both audience and players, enjoyed the performance. So what if we did not play perfectly? So what if we were messy at parts? The concert was only the end result of a long process of music-making, and while putting up a good concert was important, it was not a end in itself. It is infinitely more meaningful if the past three months had left something in every NUSWS member's life, be it friendships, memories, musicianship or whatsoever. And I believe InTempo 2009 has achieved that. Remember how many of us were so looking forward to the concert; you can see it all on our faces. And more importantly, remember all the hard work we have put in, remember the passion we have played with, and remember that this is what music is all about. I very much rather take our performance than a soulless, eerily-technically-perfect performance by Tokyo Kosei thank you very much.

To me, InTempo 2009 would not have been such a special experience for me without some people. For example, the fantastic bunch of people who just happened to be in the same Exco as me. Thank you for all the hard work, and more importantly, for all the memories we shared for the past year. I actually have two scars on my right hand from the frisbee outing at Botanical Garden, and it's a pretty good reminder of our times together I will say! Much kudos to my flute section as well, for all the camaraderie and hard work, and in particular to Madeline, who did such a wonderful job as section leader despite being thrown into the position unwillingly! And of course, much thanks to Prof Ho for his patience and teaching! I have come to realize that there is really no one else in Singapore who is more suitable to conduct NUSWS. We are not a secondary school band; who we really need is someone who can guide us to a deeper understanding and appreciation of music.

To me, InTempo 2009 marks the end of a critical chapter in my life. When I look back, my time in NUS has never been about obtaining an Engineering degree. When it comes to it, the past four years was really a long journey of doubt and self-discovery. It was arduous, but necessary. From picking up the flute again after two years of neglect in NS, approaching Wang Tong for flute lessons, joining NUSWS, leaving NUSWS, joining again under the baton of Mr Leonard Tan, and culminating in InTempo 2009, everything was an exercise in introspection. It seems that the entire point of coming to NUS was to know more about myself, and the story of this chapter in my life is over, marked by the full-stop that is InTempo 2009. During the past three months, I have come to realize that music is in my blood; it is my calling, my life's work, the only thing I want to do. It is the glorious rekindling of a crushed childhood dream. I have reached the end of this four-year journey, and my time in NUS is over, really over; now, everything else I am doing in school has become wholly insignificant.

And finally, to you my friends, musicians of NUSWS, BELIEVE in yourselves, and dare to DREAM! Your passion has led you to a great performance, and who knows where it may bring you next? Two roads may have diverged in a yellow wood, but the correct path is whichever you believe in. I sincerely wish that you will find your very own InTempo 2009 soon!

Frustrated over my playing

2009-03-11T00:35:00.002+08:00

Since my first recital during June last year, my playing has improved tremendously. But it seems like the more I improve, the more I discover about my own playing, and the more frustrated I feel over my inadequacies. And the more frustrated I feel, the more I want to practise, but I simply do not have the time now. Which makes me even more frustrated.

Take today for example. I really should have just went home right after classes to do my work, but instead I went to CFA to practise. And I practised and practised, but I did not sound good. And so I practised somemore, even though I were already completely exhausted. I know there was no point continuing, but the sense of urgency kept pushing me on. I want to practice for the whole of tomorrow, but I know I cannot because I really have to get started on my school work.

On a related note, I think I may stop playing for NUSWS after this semester. Don't get me wrong, I love the band, but I think playing in amateur groups is starting to hurt my playing. I cannot hear what I am playing because the band is simply too loud, and even when I try to play with sensitivity, most people are simply not playing with awareness of the music. And thus I feel a bit silly and unable to blend in. I am also getting very anal about music: I expect everyone to play the correct articulation, pulse, dynamics, intonation and clarity of tone, and it affects me when they don't. It may sound selfish, but I do hope to play at least semi-professionally someday, and so I have start playing with musicians who are serious about the music and not just playing for fun. Not to say no one in NUSWS is serious, but most people are not TRULY serious, you know? And I don't blame them; NUSWS is an amateur group after all. Maybe I will try to play in Philwinds or one of those newly-formed community orchestras.

Sigh, I hope to get over this slump soon. For that matter, I hope to get out of this sickening place called NUS. The final two months are passing too slowly.

Enraged at the idiocy and immorality of the Catholic Church

2009-03-08T10:42:00.004+08:00

I will let the headlines do the talking.

Rape Row Sparks Excommunications

A Brazilian archbishop says all those who helped a child rape victim secure an abortion are to be excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

Lula 'rues' Church Abortion Move

The Brazilian president has criticised a Catholic archbishop for excommunicating several people who helped a young girl have an abortion.

Vatican Backs Abortion Row Bishop

A senior Vatican cleric has defended the excommunication in Brazil of the mother and doctors of a young girl who had an abortion with their help.

Vatican Defends Excommunications for "raped" Nine-Year-Old Girl's Abortion

The regional archbishop, Jose Cardoso Sobrinho, pronounced excommunication for the mother for authorising the operation and doctors who carried it out for fear that the slim girl would not survive carrying the fetuses to term.

"God's law is above any human law. So when a human law ... is contrary to God's law, this human law has no value," Cardoso had said.

He also said the accused stepfather would not be expelled from the church. Although the man allegedly committed "a heinous crime ... the abortion - the elimination of an innocent life - was more serious".

From another source:

"The girl was 15 weeks pregnant with twins and doctors said her life was in danger. She weighed just 36kg and was 1.33m tall."

"He committed an extremely serious crime. But that crime, according to canon law, is not punished with automatic excommunication."

So let me get this straight. The Catholic Church, under the instructions of the 'all-good and mighty' God (sniggers), decided that the life and death of a LIVING nine-year-old girl is not as important as two unborn fetus, whose status as living humans is a matter of debate and speculation. They decide to punish all those involved in the abortion, BUT NOT THE RAPIST HIMSELF. Because rape is not punishable with excommunication according to Catholic laws. Tells you a lot about the 'goodness' of the Church and its priorities. Well I shouldn't be too surprised actually, the Bible has enough rape in it to make the most psychotic and sadistic rapist blush (I will not bother to list them here, go goggle it yourself).

Well, I am fucking enraged by this. The Church's moral standards are right at the bottom of a steaming pile of dog shit. You ask me why I despise and is so vocal against religion? Elementary, my dear readers! It is self evident!

I am not smart, I am SUPER SMART!

2009-03-05T01:25:00.002+08:00

My goodness, is that what they show on European TV? I got to migrate there when I have a kid!

TOTALLY AWESOME!

Understanding myself

2009-03-01T00:30:00.015+08:00

I am a person who is driven by his passion, and all notions of conventionality do not apply to me. Any attempt to dissect my behaviour using the rules of society, to view my actions through the looking lens of culture, to judge my motives under the feeble notions of your ideals, is doomed to fail. I do not care for 'practicality', for material wealth, for a safe and stable life, if I have to do something I do not love just for the sake of being practical, I think I will rather die. My mind refuses to be constrained what you all call a 'job', my intellect demands creative avenues, and if I do not have an outlet to release my passion, it will eventually destroy my spirit, shatter my ego, and eventually consume my entire being. For better or for worse, I am one who is doomed to walk his own path, with or without people alongside me.

Music is my love, my solace, my blessing and my curse. If I have learned anything from my four years in university, it is to never do something you do not love. Do I waste the past four years so that I can be happy for the rest of life, or should I waste the rest of my life and condemn myself to a life of pain and regret? I have no more energy to force myself to do things. My life's work has to be my passion. It is as essential as water to me, without which I will surely wither and die.

My friends, this is me, one of the most tortured and unconventional person you will ever meet. I have a friend, a person who thinks the same way as I do, who understands and shares my pain, who is running down the same path as I am. She is already so far ahead, and I am watching in utmost respect and awe. She inspires me, lends strength to my conviction, and I hope to be able to catch up. I may not become materially well-off, but I assure you that true wealth is way more subtle. I will be a rich man. The only path for me now is where my heart guides me.

Angry

2009-02-07T18:41:00.003+08:00

Only in the good o'le US of A, the land of opportunity and stupid people.

Texas Teacher suspended for being "Liberal" and an "Atheist"

2nd February 2009

Brad Watkins

For the past few days I have been in contact with Mr. Richard Mullens a school teacher in Brookeland Tx. Brookeland Tx, is an incredibly "Conservative" area of Texas, and only 16 miles up the road from Jasper Tx. the scene of several incidents of racial violence and murder. Mullens has been the victim of a smear campaign and a slew of unethical practices, based solely on his religious and political beliefs. I have received numerous calls today from area parents, and concerned local residents who feel that Mr. Mullens is a good teacher, who has encouraged and inspired his students to think critically, and independently and is innocent of all charges, both spoken and written. In fact the administration of Brookeland High School made attempts to urge students to sign a list of alleged chargers against Mr. Mullens of which over 100 students out of 103 refused to sign.The students attempted to present to the Board of education a petition in support of Mr. Mullens and refuting any charges of inappropriate language made against him. The Principal of Brookeland High School, not only refused to take this petition to the board but forbade the students from such actions. Mr. Mullins is being railroaded by a School board of which all of those who support his removal are members of the same church. A church who's pastor has openly called for there to be only Christian teachers in the Brookeland school district. Currently the Mid-South Peace and Justice Center is in contact with several local and national civil rights organizations in Texas, who will be contacting Mr. Mullens, investigating this situation and offering their support. But if anyone out there knows any other resource that can be brought in to stop this injustice, I ask you please contact us, and forward this out to them. at Brad@midsouthpeace.org The following is a statement of events from Mr. Mullens, some names and details were redacted by me.

I, Richard Mullens, have been a teacher in the state of Texas since 1971. I have never received a negative comment, complaint, or write-up during this period of time. On the contrary, I have received recognition for my teaching and the test scores of my students. No matter what district I've taught in, my students have always excelled in the state mandated tests. I currently teach in Brookeland, TX, a small rural district about 16 miles north of Jasper, TX. I've taught at Brookeland for the past 6 years. I've been in my current position as US history, government, and economics teacher for 3 years.

These past 2 years have been an exciting time for me as a history and government teacher. My classes have followed the primary and election campaigns. My senior class last year, with the aid of the superintendent Lana Comeaux, was able to travel to Beaumont, TX to see Bill Clinton make a stump speech on behalf of his wife Hillary Clinton. In class we followed the primary campaign using Newsweek magazine and Junior Scholastic magazine to keep us informed about the issues. We had passionate debates about the issues and the candidates. It was obvious to my class that I supported Barack Obama. I allowed all students to express their opinions, as long as they did not include racial slurs or non-factual information. On occasion, I had to correct misinformation that was expressed by students. For example, that Barack Obama was un-American, that he did not say the pledge, and that he was a terrorist. After Barack Obama's election, I was looking forward to being able to share the inauguration with my students by letting them watch it on TV in my classroom. But instead, I found myself at home suspended from my job.

On November 7th, at a basketball game that was supposed to be our homecoming scrimmage, I sat at the scores table as a coach with Lana Comeaux, the superintendent. I was not allowed to coach because we would be in violation of UIL rules. Lana Comeaux at that time told me she was under pressure from the school board and they were looking for her to resign. She said that my name was also on the list of people that the board wanted to resign or fire. I asked why, and she said that a school board member had expressed to her that he believed I was an atheist and a liberal. She asked me if I was an atheist and I refused to answer the question. I said, "I won't play this game. I didn't know you had to take a religious test to be a teacher in the state of Texas." Nothing was said after that point, although there was a lot of tension among the other coaches about whether they would be able to keep their jobs or not, because she also told them that many of them were on the list.

Then on January 7th, a student in my classroom in second period left my class, went to the Principal's office, and told him that there was an inappropriate discussion in my classroom. I was informed by the principal, Richard Turner, that I needed to talk to her mother because she was very upset. Her mother came to class on January 7th, came to the school January 7th, very upset. She made some threats to me in the hallway. And then on January 8th, Mr. Turner informed me that I needed to call the parent, Mrs. Lowe. On January 9th, I had Vicki Smith, the school secretary, call "REDACTED" on my behalf to arrange a conference at 10:35 Monday, January 12th. Monday the 12th, I met with REDACTED and School Principal Richard Turner in his office. REDACTED was very angry. She accused me of being an atheist, saying I was too liberal, and that I allowed the students to talk about inappropriate things in the classroom. I told her that occasionally students would get on topics and say things, but I was unable to censor them before they were able to say them. She said that I called her daughter a name and I denied the accusation. But then she said that I didn't believe in god and shouldn't be teaching. She also said that she had spoken to 3 other board members who agreed with her that I shouldn't be teaching because I was too liberal and I was an atheist.

On January 15th, there was a board meeting. Nothing was on the agenda concerning me. During the open forum, several audience members spoke to their concerns that I was an atheist and I was too liberal. On January 16th, I was called to Mr. Richard Turner's office (my principal), and he informed me that I had been put on administrative leave with pay. The reasons, as stated to me by Mr. Turner at the time, were that I was accused of being an atheist and teaching atheism in the classroom, and I was too liberal. On January 23rd, Mr. Turner and members of the board met behind closed doors concerning my suspension and allegations that were directed at me. On January 24th, I received a certified letter from Mr. Turner that stated that the causes for my suspension apparently had been changed to inappropriate contact with students and comments. He admonished me in the letter for having contact with students who had text-messaged me during my first week of suspension, but I had not received any administrative directive, or anything in writing, prior to that time telling me I could not have contact with students. On January 26th, I called my lawyer REDACTED, with ATTE, and informed him of my situation that I was put on administrative leave with pay, pending an investigation.

I later had conversations with parents and a person who lives in the community, who informed me that the principal had met with the minister of the local church and had discussed my suspension with him. I also later received information from REDACTED,a "SCHOOL EMPLOYEE-POSITION REDACTED", that the minister was now subbing at the school and that he had heard that he would be taking my position, or if I returned he would be co-teaching with me.

There have been a number of rumors in our community now concerning inappropriate behavior: high school girls coming to my class to supposedly smoke marijuana, all kinds of accusations made by the members of the missionary baptist church at which this minister is the preacher. In the January 24th letter from Mr. Richard Turner, my principal, I was also informed that my suspension had been extended indefinitely.

Sincerely,
Richard Mullens

This whole incident stinks worse than someone with bad breath eating a rotten egg, and you wonder why I wouldn't touch religion even with a ten-foot pole.

What does it mean to be a musician?

2009-01-19T23:11:00.001+08:00

"Being a pianist and musician is not a profession. It's a philosophy, a conception of life that cannot be based on good intentions or natural talent. First and foremost there must be an immense spirit of self-sacrifice." - Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli

I am seriously thinking about applying for YST.

To whom do we owe our freedom?

2009-01-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

In her blog, Hui Koon mentioned how good the movie V for Vendetta was, and she provided a dialogue in the movie which piqued my curiosity:

Creedy: Die! Die! Why won't you die?... Why won't you die?
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.

It was decidedly most thought-provoking, and seemed like the kind of movie I'll like, and so today I braved Tudou.com's snail-like loading speeds and watched the show.

And damn it, it's REALLY good.

Based on the graphic novel of the same name by Alan Moore, V for Vendetta is a powerful film which is almost prescient in its political commentary. There is power behind ideas, behind words, behind symbols, and it is belief which imbues them with this power. It is also most timely that I watch the show now. Recently, I told a friend that "I am someone who lives for ideas", and another friend bought me Machiavelli's The Prince, a book which has influenced the course of Western civilization. The message of the film aside, the plot is really intricate and the set pieces are very stylistically shot! And V's gotta be the coolest anti-hero I've ever seen!

After the show, a thought struck me while I was in the washroom (weird but true!). V fought against the fascist state in an imaginary dystopian England, but who fought for us in our very own world, so that we know the taste of freedom? Where did this whole concept on liberty come about? To whom do we owe our freedom? Did it all begin with the French Revolution, or did it actually go all the way back to the ancient Greek philosophers? You know, I can't wait to throw everything down and do my own reading and research on this, but I am stuck doing this totally meaningless and insignificant project called FYP which has totally no bearing in the greater scheme of life.

EPIC PHAIL

2008-12-13T11:55:00.001+08:00

For those of you with fond childhood memories of Dragonball, brace yourself for what you are about to watch.

A random observation

2008-12-10T22:59:00.002+08:00

When I'm on the train, I like to observe what books the other passengers are reading. Today, I saw someone reading Voltaire's Candide, and I was pretty surprised considering that this is, well, Singapore. Singaporeans are not supposed to even know that Voltaire existed! Even more interestingly, the said-reader was a middle-aged man who was wearing shorts and slippers, and he would look up from his book every now and then to examine his surroundings. I'm not sure what he was looking out for, maybe he was trying to see if anyone noticed that he was reading Voltaire?

Standard Chartered Marathon 2008

2008-12-08T22:44:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, you can check your marathon timings and other race details here! FYI, I ran the 10km Men race.

Event Average Time: 1h:21m:32s
My timing: 58m:5s
My average speed: 10.3km/h

Result in Division (M1824): 62nd place. 558 finishers behind. About 10% of finishers ahead.

So cool right? Technology is so amazing wahahaha!

Tagged by Hui Koon

2008-12-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

Rules & Regulations:

1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.

2. People get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little facts as well as state this rule clearly

3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names*NO TAGS BACK!*

So here it goes:

1. I used to be quite decent at 围棋/Go, but I stopped playing because I was becoming too obsessed with it.

2. I seriously hate studying, and believe it or not, I study very little. I manage to get by because I make sure I really completely thoroughly understand the topic during that little bit of studying time.

3. My attention span is longer than Hui Koon's (though not much better when it comes to studying). I can spend one whole day listening to music/reading a book/practising my flute/write.

4. I have a strong anti-authoritarian streak. Back in junior college, there was this instance when I requested for permission from my civic tutor to go home early, but that woman refused. I went home anyway. At least I asked okay???

5. I am an INTJ in every Myers-Brigg personality test I have taken, and I think the description fits me extremely well, almost perfectly. For example, INTJs "commonly do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank or title". "Bitchy" is not part of the description though.

6. I subscribe to amor fati, i.e everything which happens in my life can be seen as good.

7. When I am having meals at home, I will always wander around the house looking for something to do while I am chewing my food. Or I will read a book while eating.

8. I do housework, simple things like doing the dishes, bringing in the laundry, changing the bedsheets, and sweeping and mopping the floor.

9. I have a fetish with ponytails. Girls with ponytails are oh-so-cute! Ponytails for life!

10. I really like visual kei, for example

The guy in both pics is hide from X Japan. But I'll never have the guts to do it myself.

Do I really have to tag other people? Maybe next time lol.

Book Game

2008-12-02T01:13:00.003+08:00

Saw this game from mrbrown.com, and I thought, "why not?"

Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 57.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions in a note to your wall, and post your sentence in a comment here as well. Include the title of book and author.

Mine:

"We think strongly that the risks involved in buying, say, a telephone-company bond at yields at nearly 7.5% are much less than those involved in buying the DJIA at 900 (or any stock list equivalent thereto)"

From The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham

Feeling less useless

2008-12-01T19:06:00.002+08:00

I finally did something productive today. Ever since exams were over (actually, ever since the start of reading week), I have been busy feeling useless. All I did was play some old computer games, surf random sites and read random stuff. Oh, and blog. I could not even practise the flute or exercise because I pulled my abdominal muscles sometime back while training for standing broad jump. It still hurts a bit now.

Anyway, today I swept and mopped the whole house, and also tidied my desk. Next thing to do is to repair my bioclock. I have been sleeping at an ungodly 3am every night, and it's not doing wonders for my skin and my state of mind. I am feeling so lethargic everyday, and the feeling really sucks.

Some more of my pet peeves

2008-11-29T01:30:00.003+08:00

I revealed down a few of my pet peeves a while back, but of course that list was not exhaustive because I am such an irritable person. So here are a few more ways to annoy me.

1. Eating with your mouth open. I am sure the process of chewing is most intriguing, but I am not interested to witness the intricacies of it. Just no. And the chewing sound makes my blood boil. *Know* that every time I hear someone eating with the mouth open, I am summoning all my willpower to not strangle him or her.

2. Making excessive noise with your eating utensils. See Point 1.

3. Bad grammar. I do not profess to have perfect grammar, but I am quite a grammar Nazi. All your tenses, punctuation, syntax, sentence structure are belong to us. Whenever I see a piece of writing with bad grammar, I will think, "Dude, for the love of commas and full-stops, put in more effort!" I will then burn the article as an offering to the Grammar Gods above, and hope they will strike down the culprit with Shocking Bolts of Exclamation Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Whiny people who do not put in any effort whatsoever. So you think you are fat? Then go exercise. You want good grades? Then stop slacking for a change. You want to get rich? Working gets you there approximately 49032749832099904932482 times faster than buying Toto, I kid you not.

5. Fools. I do not suffer fools, especially people who try to argue with me without sound logical reasoning. I can forgive ignorance, but I get riled when a person tries to mask their incompetency with meaningless rhetoric. My bullshit detector goes off faster than you can say, "Ooops!"

Yes, I can be quite an anal person, you just have to know me better.

P/S: Actually some of them are exaggerated (but nevertheless true), and you can try your luck to test which ones are.

The End of Wall Street's Boom

2008-11-22T19:37:00.009+08:00

For those of you interested in the subprime crisis, here's an excellent article I found on Arts & Letters Daily. Even if you are not, you should still read it for its sheer entertainment value. It is the first article I have read about the crisis which unravels the financial meltdown in a thriller-like fashion.

The End
The era that defined Wall Street is finally, officially over. Michael Lewis, who chronicled its excess in Liar's Poker, returns to his old haunt to figure out what went wrong.

By Michael Lewis

To this day, the willingness of a Wall Street investment bank to pay me hundreds of thousands of dollars to dispense investment advice to grownups remains a mystery to me. I was 24 years old, with no experience of, or particular interest in, guessing which stocks and bonds would rise and which would fall. The essential function of Wall Street is to allocate capital—to decide who should get it and who should not. Believe me when I tell you that I hadn’t the first clue.

I’d never taken an accounting course, never run a business, never even had savings of my own to manage. I stumbled into a job at Salomon Brothers in 1985 and stumbled out much richer three years later, and even though I wrote a book about the experience, the whole thing still strikes me as preposterous—which is one of the reasons the money was so easy to walk away from. I figured the situation was unsustainable. Sooner rather than later, someone was going to identify me, along with a lot of people more or less like me, as a fraud. Sooner rather than later, there would come a Great Reckoning when Wall Street would wake up and hundreds if not thousands of young people like me, who had no business making huge bets with other people’s money, would be expelled from finance...click here to continue reading

Well, I guess it'll be good if you have some basic knowledge in investment ratings, collateral debt obligations, mortgage bonds and short selling before you read the article, but even if you don't, I still think the article will be interesting to the curious mind.

A Perspective On Forming The New US Cabinet

2008-11-16T16:33:00.002+08:00

I was reading this article from Slate Magazine:

Saturday, Nov. 15, 2008

The Genius Cabinet
Why the president-elect should surround himself with brilliant - albeit prickly, semi-autistic, and egomaniacal - thinkers

By Jacob Weisberg

Here's a radical suggestion: Barack Obama should pick the smartest people he can find for his Cabinet.

Brilliance has sometimes been a criterion in presidential appointments, of course, but seldom the major one. It usually takes a back seat to rewarding friends and backers, playing congressional politics, seeking diversity, and appeasing industry and interest groups. Presidents also feel obliged to avoid too many retreads and place a high premium on personal loyalty.

Obama can't avoid such considerations, of course. He needs to cultivate his congressional relationships, avoid alienating allies where possible, and rely on people he trusts. President No Drama doesn't want a Cabinet full of undisciplined prima donnas. But it makes sense for Obama to give greater weight to intellectual acumen and subject-specific knowledge than his recent predecessors have, both because of the depth of the problems he faces and because of his own style as a thinker and a decision-maker. Bush, whose ego was threatened by any outburst of excellence in his vicinity, politicized all policymaking and centralized it in the White House. Obama, happily, has the opposite tendencies. He is intellectually confident, enjoys engaging with ideas, and inclines to pragmatism rather than partisanship. He can handle a Lincolnesque "Team of Rivals" or a FDR-style brain trust. And he's going to need one...click here to continue reading

It will be truly encouraging if Obama chooses to surround himself with the most intelligent and capable people he can find, individuals who are great experts in their fields and have been tried and tested on the world stage, restore confidence in US leadership and tide the world through this turbulent time. I have always held the US in high regard, besides from the sickening fact that Bush likes to call her a 'Christian' nation. I am pretty damn sure that the Founding Fathers will be vehemently opposed to this label! Anyway, US reputation has taken quite a smacking under eight years of cowboy politics (so much for the 'will of God', eh Bush?) and somewhat clueless leaders, well, maybe except for Condoleezza Rice, and so if Obama can rise above the nepotism which plague political scenes everywhere, appointing people whom he believes can serve the country best instead of some other odious motivations, it will be a great step for America and the world.

This somehow got me thinking about Singapore's first post-independence leaders, the collection of great intellects who performed the Singapore miracle: Lee Kuan Yew, Goh Keng Swee, Ahmad Ibrahim, just to name a few. They were all outstanding intellectuals in their own right, and the power of intelligence, hardwork and passion cannot be overestimated. Although there are still some visages of intellectualism in our current batch of leaders, it feels like a far cry from years yonder. Maybe this is unavoidable considering the widespread dearth of intellectualism in the post-modern world, especially in the stupidly material and shallow Singapore education system. But by all accounts, Obama seems to be a very intelligent man. If he chooses to surround himself with the greatest minds of the generation, we can all be hopeful of what America can achieve in the coming years.

On a side-note: a friend of mine used to comment that I am far more interested in foreign affairs than local news. I think that's actually rather true lol.

A Shout-Out to my friends

2008-11-12T01:05:00.004+08:00

Haha, two posts in one night, eh BK you should be very happy about it right? Anyway, I have been thinking quite a bit about friendships, and I realize how grateful I am to have certain people around me. I am not the kind of person who makes a lot of friends, but I really cherish the few people around me whom I can consider true friends.

A shout-out to a friend whom I will never forget, shares my deep passion for music, and taught me how to love. Thanks for offering me free tickets for the concert! It was great!

A shout-out to a friend who never forgot our friendship despite of everything which had happened, and taught me about acceptance. I have never regretted knowing you. Thanks for asking after me all these while, and for your listening ears which were much appreciated!

A shout-out to a friend who may seem crude and foul-mouthed at first, but truly has a heart of gold, and taught me about not judging people by their appearance. Huat ah!

A shout-out to a friend who seriously checks my blog everyday, and taught me about, erm, how we can insult each other all the time and yet remain friends lol. I know you have been dying to get me to organize an outing with the girls!

A shout-out to a friend who, tho we do not really talk a lot, I can count on to hang out with anytime, and taught me that friendship does not diminish with time. Dude, keep those funny videos coming!

Cheers!

Sometimes, it is not just about how hard you work

2008-11-12T00:31:00.005+08:00

,but also how smart you work. Somehow since my recital in June, my flute-playing has improved by leaps and bounds even though I did not have the much time to practise. It is a most interesting observation, and I hereby will set out to investigate why.

1. After the recital, I concluded I would not have enough time to prepare for LTCL at the end of the year, and so I decided to not take the exam. Hence, I stopped practising those three pieces over and over again, and could actually work on new repertoire and etudes. I think the increased exposure really helped my playing.

2. On the note about increased exposure, I actually did a lot of random things during the holidays, such as teaching flute, playing for Musart for their concert and SIBF, NUS Commencement and guest-playing for ACS(I) Orchestra. I believed all of them contributed to my improvement.

3. Wang laoshi asked me to practise Marcel Moyse's De La Sonorite, the Holy Bible for drilling your flute tone. I swear by that book!

4. I do not have a lot of time to practise, and so during whatever little practice time I have, I really drill on my fundamentals and weak areas. No point practising what you are good at.

5. A very rigorous exercise regime during the summer vacation. Excluding my time in National Service, I am at the peak of my fitness. A strong body is crucial for wind players, because playing a wind instrument is a lot about muscle discipline and breath control.

6. The recital was a really eye-opening experience, and it made me question a lot about my playing. Just simply thinking more about my playing has made it better.

Now when I play through my recital pieces for fun, they actually sound a lot better even though I haven't touched them for months! I am so glad for this improvement, and I really hope I can achieve the next breakthrough before my graduation in next year June.

Anyway, on a side-note, I kinda revamped the side-bar to include more information.

Disappointment...

2008-11-01T21:49:00.006+08:00

...comes when you realize others have already been invited and you only find out because you happen to be at the right place at the right time, comes when you have to actively request for details while others have already been informed, comes when you have the smallest expectations of a person but somehow it can still be broken.

It is natural to have some expectations of a person whom you consider friend, but if some people disappoint you time and again, it is best to start expecting zero from them.

Da Capo. Al Fine.

2008-10-19T01:00:00.001+08:00

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires"

For many NUSWS members, 17th October 2008 was a night of tears and laughter, and the memory forever etched in their minds. It marked the end of a 2-year journey with one of the amazing person I ever known, the one and only Maestro Leonard Tan.

Da Capo

My time under Mr Tan has been a journey of rediscovery, of relearning what it means to be a musician. For me, it was really 'back to the beginning'.

I remember when I rejoined NUSWS in 06/07 Sem 1, which was when Mr Tan joined the band. After a disappointing first semester with NUSWS when it was still under Dr Tony, I decided to go on a hiatus during my second semester. During the beginning of 06/07 Sem 1, I was considering to rejoin NUSWS because I had too much free time, but on the day of the Welcome Tea, I almost didn't attend as I was feeling very tired. In the end I still did, and the rest was history.

It was one of those decisions which unknowingly became one of the best I would ever make.

Al Fine

Fast-forward 2 years, and NUSWS had come so far under Mr Tan. We have conquered "Poema Alpestre" and "Planet Earth", and now we are awaiting our greatest challenge yet, "Extreme Makeover". Somehow, we managed to pull it off even though we only had a total of FIVE rehearsals on it, including one with Mr Tan absent. It was like a miracle, but miracles happen under Mr Tan. But the real touching part came with the farewell speech and the surprise medley we have prepared and "It's A Small World". How we have played! With all our heart and emotions, with thoughts on everything we have experienced during the past 2 years, and with the knowledge that these would be the last pieces we would play with Mr Tan, maybe till forever. I can say with all honesty that Mr Tan and a lot of members were sincerely moved, and the tears which dropped were heartfelt and genuine. And how the tears flowed! Can you feel the intensity of that last chord, a super-sustained last note, with everyone playing with everything they have got left, because no one wanted it to end!

But ended it did. That last chord may have faded, but the 2 years of joy, laughter and music will resonate forever.

Epilogue

"The power of talent and humility"

I feel very lucky that my life has been touched by Mr Leonard Tan. He is one of the greatest inspiration to my life, and is a genuinely passionate teacher. But above all these, he is a truly good man, and is one of the kindest person I have ever met in my life. No matter what happens, he never betrays his convictions, and is always true to the music and his students. NUSWS would never had reached its current level without him, and more importantly, a lot of the friendships formed within the band would not have existed if he wasn't around. He is the heart and soul of NUSWS. Because of him, so many people have rekindled their love of music, and so many people have reaffirmed their belief in the power of the ensemble. No matter where my life leads me in the future, I will always remember this remarkable man and these incredible 2 years in NUSWS.

Goodbye Mr Leonard Tan, and thank you for all the memories you have left us. Please do not ever forget us, because we will never forget you...

What's wrong with one post a month?

2008-09-05T21:01:00.011+08:00

Well, I didn't really think you guys were really interested in my boring life, but apparently some did. So let's see what has been happening in my life...

...Ok, let's try again...

...Yep that's more or less about it. LOL.

I am generally too preoccupied with the uninteresting rigors of Final Year to have any excitement in my life. Maybe there was just one incident, or rather a series of incidents leading into the start of this semester, which left a bitter after-taste. Life, the greatest stand-up comedy on Earth, has once again delivered its routine.

I promise to post more substantial content in the near future.

Some of my pet peeves

2008-08-05T00:44:00.011+08:00

Today, while I was on my way to Woodlands to give flute lessons, I randomly decided to think about what are some of the things people do which disturbs me, and thus I came up with this hopefully-exhaustive (it probably isn't) list:

1. Turning up late for appointments without informing me in advance. I'm fine if you are late with a valid reason and you inform me beforehand, but if you do not, be ready to be greeted with a black face. I do not relish wasting time waiting for someone who may or may not turn up.

2.Reading "self-help books which teach you how to be a millionaire". More often than not, the people I see reading such books are office-workers, most probably salaried. Seriously, if you are so naive to believe that reading such books actually help, you will never earn that million bucks and escape from your boring 9-to-5 fate.

3. Putting "Looking For: A Relationship" in your Facebook profile. Desperation reaching new heights? I know I know, to each his own, but I cannot help feeling mildly amused.

4. Blasting music on your handphone, mp3 player, whatever, to everyone around you while on public transport. It is irritating, and it does not make you cool. In fact, it makes you look like a dick.

5. You know the double seats on buses? Sitting on the outer seat on buses and not moving in to fill the empty inner seat even when it's crowded. Because your own personal convenience overrides those of the other passengers am I right, you selfish prick.

6. Patting on the seat before sitting down. If you do not do that, the cushion will come alive and swallow your juicy ass.

Probably got a few more, but I'm too sleepy to think. Bye.

In case you are wondering...

2008-07-09T17:46:00.007+08:00

...I'm still alive, and I'm here to clear the cobwebs.

Post-recital thoughts

2008-06-01T23:49:00.007+08:00

And so my recital came and went. Frankly speaking, I think I played very very badly.

Firstly, I will like to thank my pianist for the wonderful accompaniment! I could concentrate on my own part and never had to worry about the piano part! And you played really really well for your pieces! Also, huge thanks to everyone who attended, and for being so encouraging! You guys really made a big difference!

It was like my grade 8 exam all over again. I thought I sounded quite alright when I was practising earlier in the day, but when it came to the actual performance, everything just fell apart. My lips were cold, my mouth was dry, and I just couldn't find the energy to play properly. Luckily, I managed to get good results for the grade 8 exam, but for this recital, I think my nerves really killed it, and there is really a lot more to be desired.

But playing aside, I am really glad I had the courage to hold this recital. Although the playing did really not show it, I pushed myself very hard and worked my ass off for this recital, and I learned a lot of things about myself and my playing. It was throwing myself into the deep end of the pool, to see how I'll fare, and it was a really good experience. To have the determination to see through something even though I am absolutely mortified. To look fear in the eyes and try to overcome it (ok, I didn't succeed 100% here.) There was never a single moment when I thought of backing out, because I knew that I NEEDED this experience to mature as a musician, and more importantly, I simply wanted to play. I wanted to give a good performance to the audience, to let them hear the music I have prepared so hard for.

I think this recital highlighted the strongest quality in me, which is the sheer focus and drive I possess when I set my mind to achieve something. I can put in 110% effort into something I want to do, and I will never complain or look back. This inner fire is what I admire most about myself, admist countless flaws and weaknesses. I hope this fire will never be extinguished, but I must learn to translate it into a good performance. I can practise all I want, but if I fail to deliver during the actual performance, it will be rather pointless.

Even though I did not play well, I do not feel especially sad or disappointed. In fact, I feel rather calm. Weird? It could be that I did not expect much of myself, which I honestly doubt so. I think the reason is probably I have learnt to accept failure, to accept it as part and parcel of life, to accept it as an essential step towards success. I am telling myself, aim for success in everything I do, but do not let failure deter me. I will remember well the lessons I have learnt from my recital preparations, from my failure to play well, , and to apply them to the next recital. If I fail again to play well, I will hold another one. And another, and another, and I will keep doing so until I finally get it right.

And this is the promise I make to myself.

fp- A Flute and Piano Recital (Updated on 19/5/08)

2008-06-01T19:00:00.010+08:00

Hi guys, I will be holding my very first recital with a pianist friend! And we have come up with a cool title for this recital. It will be called fp, standing not for forte piano, but flute and piano. This recital is in preparation for my LTCL in December, and my friend for her FTCL. The details are as follow:

Date: 1/6/2008, Sunday
Time: 7.15pm (UPDATED!!!)
Venue: Young Musicians' Society Choral Studio (walking distance from Bugis and Dhoby Ghaut MRT stations)
Admission: FREE!

IMPORTANT: Please try to be punctual! The recital studio is not very big, and anyone entering late will be highly disturbing and potentially disruptive. I will be plenty nervous on that day, and if the door suddenly opens while I'm playing, I may just get a heart attack and die on the spot or something. If you are late, please wait until the piece is over before entering the studio. Thanks!

My friend's repertoire (updated as of 19/5/08):

1. 15 Variations and Fugue in E-flat Major Op. 35 , ‘Eroica Variations’
Ludwig van Beethoven

2. Fantaisie in F minor, Op.49
Frédéric Chopin

3. Chaconne in D minor
J.S Bach – Ferruccio Busoni

4. Rhapsody in Blue (Piano duet with guest pianist)
George Gershwin

All pianists, no make that everyone, should come listen to the Chaconne. To date, it stands out singularly as one of my favourite compositions among EVERTHING I have ever heard . I listen to it religiously, like almost daily.

My repertoire for now (updated as of 12/4/08):

1. Partita in A minor for solo flute
J.S Bach

2. Sonata in D major, 4th movement
Sergei Prokofiev

3. La Flute de Pan, movement 2: Pan et Les Oiseaux (Pan and the Birds)
Jules Mouquet

I will like to get a rough idea of how many people are interested in attending, so please leave me a message, sms me or tell me directly if you want to come, and how many people you are bringing! Also, please help me spread the word, thanks!

Recipe for Singapore

2008-04-28T18:14:00.012+08:00

Singapore is a great MELTING pot of cultures...literally.

1. Prepare Chinese, Malay, Indian cultures, and some other minority cultures as you prefer. Marinate with some Western sauce, preferably with British or American flavours. Let it absorb well.

2. Throw everything into a pot, and heat relentlessly for 9 months until they melt. You can add water as and when you see fit, but not too often. Mix well.

3. For the remaining 3 months, add lots of water relentlessly. Source and type of water is not important: it can be imported, locally collected or recycled.

4. Stir well and serve. You will end up with a broth which tastes strongly pragmatic yet neither like this nor like that.

N.B: Artistic and intellectual seasonings do not go well with this recipe as the flavour will be masked by the pragmatism. You can try adding them, but it does not mix well. Problem may be due to the pot.

N.B.2: It can be taken with a pinch of salt for better digestion.

NUS Naxos Music Library

2008-04-04T22:50:00.010+08:00

Lovers of music, please kindly visit http://invisiblerealm.blogspot.com/2008/04/nuss-best-kept-secret.html for a description of the NUS Naxos Music Library. I believe it is the most comprehensive music database in the world.

A weird dream

2008-04-02T11:41:00.007+08:00

Actually I am having a lot of weird dreams recently, but I'll just describe one of them.

I dreamt that I was in a foodcourt buying some chicken cutlet, which cost $5.80 or something like that. I ordered a Japanese rice ball, you know, those triangular rice bundles with a piece of seaweed on it, to go with it, because the rice ball looked absolutely yummilicious. When I got the total bill, it was a frigging $15. I was like "WTF, the rice ball was a frigging 10 bucks!?" I was thinking it did not make sense at all, and it was then I realized, "Oh, I am dreaming." And then I woke up.

Man, was I disappointed! I never tried a Japanese rice ball before, and I am wondering how it'll taste like in my dream XD

The onslaught , and the mad rush to the end

2008-04-01T23:35:00.009+08:00

It is that time of the semester when assignments and projects start to become overwhelming and I start hoping that the semester will end soon.

The good thing is, as far as I can recall, the semester will usually end before I know it :D

Anyway, Happy April's Fool! Hope you guys managed to get your sensibilities tricked out of you. I spent the whole day doing some school work which I was completely uninterested in, and then I had the sudden revelation that life was playing a huge joke on me. That will make me the greatest fool for today :)

Hiroshima Child

2008-03-21T20:45:00.006+08:00

I come and stand at every door
But none can hear my silent tread
I knock and yet remain unseen
For I am dead for I am dead

I'm only seven though I died
In Hiroshima long ago
I'm seven now as I was then
When children die they do not grow

My hair was scorched by swirling flame
My eyes grew dim my eyes grew blind
Death came and turned my bones to dust
And that was scattered by the wind

I need no fruit I need no rice
I need no sweets nor even bread
I ask for nothing for myself
For I am dead for I am dead

All that I need is that for peace
You fight today you fight today
So that the children of this world
Can live and grow and laugh and play

by Nazim Hikmet

Planet Earth 2008: The Aftermath

2008-03-19T20:18:00.012+08:00

Mmm, you know, when I finally have some time to blog about InTempo, I realize that I do not really know what to say. Maybe I will skip the organizing and just say what comes to my mind.

NUSWS has come a long way since I joined in 2005. It has improved to a level I have never dreamed of, and I will attribute this to our resident conductor, Mr Leonard Tan.

I am not exaggerating when I say that Mr Tan is the heart and soul of NUSWS.

With his personal charisma and musical conviction, he has led NUSWS from strength to strength. From Poema to Star Wars, and now to Planet Earth, we have conquered pieces which pushed the band to its limits, and beyond. Most importantly, his music united every single band member, and brought us closer to his musical ideal. It has been my honor to play under his baton, and now I can say in all honesty that NUSWS is one of the best things to have happened to me in NUS.

The first half of the performance was satisfactory, well at least to me. As for the second half...I guess there were still a lot left to be desired. I still feel regret on how things could have gone otherwise, but all in all, the band made up for it in spirit during the final movement. During the climax, I heard Mr Tan was so touched that he cried. The passion of true musicians, to weep over something as intangible as a melody...it must be one of the most noble sentiments known to man. It is reminiscent of Nodame Cantabile, on how the power of music can move one to tears! Planet Earth is an amazing, amazing piece of work, and I will love to perform it again if possible!

Now that the post-concert euphoria is gone, I am feeling quite empty. There are no more band practices to look forward to every week, all that's left is just mugging and more mugging :( Right now, the most important question in my mind is: WILL THERE BE BAND PRACTICES DURING THE HOLIDAYS?! For the love of music, I hope there will be some activities for the band during the 3 month break!!! It's too long a break to have no band practices!!!

I am looking forward to Da Capo already!

InTempo post

2008-03-17T14:49:00.004+08:00

Customary InTempo post will be coming soon (hopefully), while Qicai struggles with his essays and projects.

Intempo 2008

2008-03-15T17:00:00.006+08:00

No buts. Call me NOW for your tickets.

EDIT: I am getting desperate, and a desperate man may decide to partly sponsor his tickets. Get yours now before the desperation runs out.

Rafflesian Elitism

2008-03-09T23:38:00.005+08:00

I have always been interested in the "Rafflesian Elitism" controversy, which has been going on for as long as I can rember. And so one fine day, I decided to Google it to see if I can dig out anything interesting. I stumbled upon some cool reads, but one particular quote really rocked my socks.

"Rafflesians treat their school uniform like some branded shirt, wearing it around as if it's Louis Vuitton."

- Random Rafflesian hater

MAN! THAT, was really golden, and had me laughing out loud right in front of my computer.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Nodame Cantabile Once More

2008-02-03T12:14:00.003+08:00

And so I finished watching the Nodame Cantabile special episodes last night.

Nodame is still so cute and innocent. *melts*

Damn.

Ahem, yes, where was I? Oh ya, the special episodes. It was really great to relive the magic of the show, to fall in love with music all over again. The special episodes were not as great as the original series, but it was still nice and enjoyable.

Nodame's rendition of Mazeppa is quite cool. Mazeppa played staccatissimo, first time I heard it. And it's quite fun trying to identify all the music played in the show.

And I got this revelation after finishing the show. Chiaki said something about musicians who do not travel widely are deprived. And this is similar to what my flute teacher told me. She told me that all musicians should travel as often as they can, to expand their horizons and knowledge. All the great musicians of ages long past traveled very widely. The crux of this advice is basically that to become a better musician, you will need to expand your life experiences. And so, I made a personal declaration. From now on, I will try my best to experience the world as fully as possible. I may not have the resources to travel often, but I will try to know and talk to more people, dare to attempt new and different things, take more risks, and last but not least, be more generous with my thoughts and feelings. From all these, I hope to be able to learn enough such that I can better understand the music I play.

Oh, and something else about the show. The actor playing Chiaki still did not learn to conduct properly. Orchestral conductors do not conduct every single damn beat for goodness' sake, and his large arm movements are quite disturbing. Sometimes his gestures look like some stances from Chinese Kungfu, and please do not glare so fiercely at your players all the time -_-" He's one heck of a looker tho, I'll give him that.

And I bet that there will be another special episode whereby Chiaki and Nodame play together in a concert. Dude, I mean, this HAS to happen! Mm, I am guessing that they will play Rhapsody in Blue.

Nodame is so adorable!!! :D

The Game

2008-02-03T11:50:00.003+08:00

This picture is full of win and epic.

千里之外-改版欠我十塊

2008-02-02T01:29:00.004+08:00

Fans of Jay Chou, please spare me!

Bored out of my brains

2008-02-01T01:17:00.003+08:00

I'm so bored, it's painful.

Something inane. Well not really. You know every time someone finds out I'm a Rafflesian, and he or she will be flabbergasted, and go, "Wow, you must be really smart/talented/good at everything/CAPS 5!!!" It's really awkward for me, when the best response I can give is, "No lah." Please treat us Rafflesians as normal people -_-"

Another peeve is when I introduce my name. Every time I introduce myself as 奇才, people will go, "So it's really that 奇 and that 才? Wow, so I bet you are really smart." Don't get me wrong, I love my name, but sometimes I wish it'll not have so much impact on people.

Now imagine when people find out my name is 奇才 AND that I'm a Rafflesian...

-________________________________________-"

So should I stick with "No lah", or should I come up with some smart-alec replies? It can make a good conversation piece, as well being a good ice-breaker. Man I must be bored senseless to blog about something like this.

Hungry

2008-01-30T00:12:00.003+08:00

Oh, and I have gained 7kg during December. I attribute it to exercise and practising. 3 more kg to target weight!

And I really got to sleep earlier. I'm getting fugly eye-rings oh my gawd.

A Response to Intelligent Design

2008-01-27T11:44:00.004+08:00

This is my response to one of my friend's post about intelligent design.

"Complexity of design is not proof of existence of an intelligent designer. Just because our minds cannot comprehend the complexity of life does not exclude it from being the result of a spontaneous event. Go read about the Miller-Urey experiment. It shows that organic compounds are easily formed under the early primordial conditions. The rest is a result of spontaneous and random organisation to form life as we recognise. Our world appears as perfect as it is because life have evolved to suit the existing conditions. If we were to throw all of our lifeforms now into, let's say 1 million years ago, we may find ourselves less than perfect in the new environment. And vice versa. Often we do not see the arduous road to reach where we are now. Millions of species have died and failed in a bid to survive. All life as we see now is a collective sacrifice of an immeasurable amount of failed genetic code, so that only the suitable gets filtered out. Occum's Razor dictates that we do not try to include an intelligent designer, for it is unexplainable and thus is not the simplest explanation.

We must not fall into the trap of anthropocentrism. There is nothing inherently 'intelligent' about the design of life; it is only so when we view it using our own human standards. If we examine life using an absolute point of view, the emergence of life and its accompanying complexity mean nothing to the physical reality. It is there because it is, as a result of existing conditions and reactions. There is nothing 'surprising' or 'intelligent'. It may only appear to be 'intelligent' because we are there to observe it. The emergence of order from chaos can be a completely natural process, which chaos theory is trying to explain. If a concept of God is truly to be desired, then Spinoza's God is my best substitution, although it is more of a metaphor than an actual reality.

The existing explanation for the complexity of life may be incomplete, but I attribute it to a lack of human understanding rather than it being inherently flawed. But of course, who knows, the true explanation may be that of an intelligent designer, but for now, it is preferable for me to pick the simpler understanding of life."

So what's up?

2008-01-26T22:32:00.002+08:00

Yea, so you haven't heard from me since last year December. That were no reasons for that: I just didn't feel like blogging, or going online for that matter.

Thought about a lot of things during the holidays. Firstly, I strongly feel that an NUS Engineering education is not value-adding, at least to me. I do not feel that I am learning more than what I can do on my own. The system of assessment does not accurately represent the engineering abilities of a student. Look at my case, I hardly go to school for lessons, but I can still remain in First Class Honours and get into Dean's List. Does this mean I am an incredibly talented engineer? Not by a long stretch. In fact, you should not use anything I design if you value your life. My grades only represent the fact that I know how to beat the system, that I know how to get the most out of the existing system of assessment. Doing well for exams is a simple matter of recognizing patterns from past year papers. If I really wanted to pick up some real engineering knowledge, I have to read up on my own. I do not need a university to self-study. Maybe it's just for that degree, and its true value is greatly exaggerated.

How about other skills, such as analysis and critical-thinking? From a cliche point of view, engineers should have these qualities right? From my own observation, this cannot be further from the truth. To be fair, it is not Engineering's fault, for most Singaporean students do not possess these faculties in the first place. But the school does not cultivate these skills either. The brutal truth is that much of NUS Engineering is still about rote-learning, of which I am a strong survivor. Does an Engineering education have to be so dry? I have completely lost all faith and interest in Engineering.

This relates to something else I have thought about regarding Singapore's education system. The emphasis on science and maths is so strong that it ends up alienating and forcing some students into paths which they have no interest in. Let's take me as an example. I am encouraged to and have walked the path of a Singaporean student who is strong in science and maths: Triple science and double maths in secondary school, triple science/double maths in junior college, and Engineering in university. I never ever realised I could have an alternative, and no one ever hinted me so. The impression given to me was that this is the only recommended path for a mathematically-inclined student, and any deviance is a waste of talent and opportunities. I never had the pleasure of a teacher who encouraged me to explore the other aspects of human knowledge. The education system is still predominantly pragmatic, with an overemphasis on the physical sciences. It took me 23 years to realize that what I am truly interested in are the social sciences, and of course music. I tell you, I am SO close to quitting Engineering. If my family was more well-off, I will have done so. For now, all I can do is endure the gnawing unhappiness of trying to study for something I have no interest in.

I thought about a lot of other stuff, but maybe this is enough writing for now.

Ichiban Boshi

2008-01-25T17:35:00.002+08:00

Ok, this is not really an update, but if anyone wants to go eat at Ichiban Boshi, tell me!!! I need to spend another $80 to finish my rewards card, and it expires on 31st January. I will probably need around 4 to 5 persons, so feel free to sms me, leave a message on the tagboard, or whatever.

Thanks!

A Little Piano Music - Olga Kern

2007-11-11T01:54:00.002+08:00

A short extract of Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto 3, movement 1.

This was played during the 2001 Van Cliburn International Piano Competition. Her rendition of the ossia cadenza in the middle is simply one of the most passionate I have ever listened to. My favourite stretch is from 4:15 to 5:35. Can I say WOW? Can you feel the intensity and passion overflow from those mighty chords?

This is a video featuring the 2001 Van Cliburn Competition.

What an incredibly talented young woman. I hope she will come to Singapore.

Dismayed and annoyed

2007-11-08T01:40:00.002+08:00

Is it so difficult to expect grammatically and syntactically correct English from engineers? I am sure that mathematical and linguistic abilities are not mutually exclusive. And why is it that I meet so few engineers who are truly intelligent? Whatever happened to the thinking scientist, the Renaissance Man?

Probably yet another reason why I really should have been in Arts.

Disclaimer: This is just a random rant which is not targeted at anyone in particular. Rather, it is a release of pent-up frustration from my 2+ years in NUS Engineering.

Change in plans

2007-11-06T23:44:00.002+08:00

I will not be taking part in NUSWS solo competition because I will be taking part in a flute competition next year March.

Bach Chaconne

2007-11-05T22:20:00.002+08:00

I have said this before, and I will say this again: the Bach Chaconne from his Violin Partita in D minor remains as the single greatest piece of music I have ever listened to.

I hate Singapore's weather

2007-11-04T16:32:00.002+08:00

I really do. How can one be expected to think clearly under such heat?

A bit of everything

2007-11-03T00:32:00.002+08:00

And so Da Capo came and went.

It was the best concert I had so far with NUSWS, excluding the Besana concert of course. Mind you, whenever I say I had the best concert with some band, it always excludes the Besana concert. But anyway, ya, it was really a fine concert. Mistakes were within acceptable limits, and I'm glad I did not screw up majorly. At the very least, I felt good after the concert. The section went to Crystal Jade for dinner, and thanks to Jinyang for the treat! It must feel good being a high-earner.

I am practising the Prokofiev sonata for my LTCL, and the piece is turning into a real nightmare. I can honestly admit that the piece is currently beyond my technical limits, and I need to make some SERIOUS and real improvement if I am even to play this piece decently. For one, I simply do not have the power to play this piece. Lots of rapid staccato low notes which need to scream out, and yes I cannot do them yet. And I am going to use this piece for a competition next March. Owned.

Two presentations and one report next week. Very busy with school projects. Basically, I have been spending the past four or five days camping in front of the computer and trying to stare words into my report, and the only reason I go out is, well, for project meetings. I have to steel myself till 9th Nov! In fact, I still have one more presentation the week after next, but I shall not think about that for now.

Man, I have never looked forward so much to revising for exams.

Blank

2007-10-21T19:51:00.002+08:00

A primary 4 classmate of mine managed to contact me.

After chatting for a while, I am very disturbed to realise that I have close to nil recollections about my life before primary 5. It is as if the memories of the first decade in my life were wiped out. Like my life really began from primary 5 or something.

Pretty amazing, or scary, depending on how you look at it.

DISTINCTION!

2007-10-09T21:13:00.003+08:00

WOOHOO! Haha, but I still have no freaking idea how i did it.

THAT WAS NERVE-WRECKING

2007-09-10T18:29:00.003+08:00

My grade 8 exam is finally over, and it was indeed as NERVE-WRECKING as I thought it'll be.

I was so nervous. My mouth was so dry. I should have drank some water before I went in. Then maybe the first piece wouldn't be so bad. I know one's playing tend to dip during exams, but I didn't expect it to go down so much. Sigh...

Passing is not a problem...I hope I can get a merit...but I know that I will be unhappy with anything less than a distinction. I wish I could have played my best.

Anyway, I really must thank my pianist for all the help she has given me. Thanks a lot! 50 pokes and a meal!

But at least now I know what I need to work on. My stamina, consistency, and the ability to play under INTENSE pressure. Solos in band doesn't count. Heck, I even played a solo piece in front of 800 people in VCH back in RJCSB, and the pressure I felt didn't even come close to this, for some reason.

I am joining a string quartet, and so I will get to play for gigs. I will audition for the NUSWS solo competition. I will run and swim regularly to build up my atrocious stamina. My stamina is really the limiting factor to my playing, and performing for a 40 min recital will be no joke.

I will do whatever it takes to prepare myself for LTCL.

Plans

2007-09-04T19:00:00.003+08:00

Aim: To achieve grade 8 theory and LTCL before graduation.

Plan:
1. Take grade 6 theory in March 2008. Use as a preparatory test for grade 8, get a feel of the higher grade theory test.
2. If I pass, then I will start preparing for grade 8 theory. In the meantime, also start preparing for LTCL.
2. Take LTCL in December 2008, and if I failed grade 6 theory, that too.
3. Take Theory grade 8 in March 2009, or grade 6 theory again (hopefully not!), and if I failed LTCL and have enough money, LTCL too.

Of course, there is this minor inconvenience called "school", but I will survive it somehow.

ROFLcopter

2007-08-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

Earlier on I was thinking to myself, "Maybe I will go for a jog tomorrow after school." Then just now, I realised, "Wait, I'm still sick."

LOL. How can one forget something like being sick?

Bad timing

2007-08-18T10:59:00.002+08:00

To be falling sick. Come to think of it, there isn't really a good time for it lol. I think I have been hanging around with too many sick people lately.

Yay, things are picking up finally

2007-08-16T00:03:00.002+08:00

I am making significant improvements in my aural, all thanks to the golden advice given to me by my flute teacher. My modulation improved by LEAPS AND BOUNDS, and my cadences isn't doing too shabby either. I love minor keys, besides from them being generally nicer-sounding, their modulations and cadences are so so much easier to identify than major keys. I tell what I do okay. By now I have more or less memorised Beethoven's Symphony No. 7, and so I picked this particular phrase which I like a lot, and I imprinted the first note of the phrase into my ears, which is a D. And so when I am identifying cadences, modulations, chords or whatever, I take reference from the D in my head, and count from there. It is a bit long and tedious, but it works like a charm. I can finally see some light, perhaps I will not fail my aural after all!!!

But nevertheless, this semester is going to be one heck of a ride. I am prepared to screw up my HR2002 project, because I think the ME3101 industry project is going to be HELL. This is the project my group is fighting for:

Reverse engineer a current electro-hydraulic control system

Schlumberger are in the oil service business. One of our services is mixing and pumping cement slurries. This is done with a process control system that automatically mixes a water-based fluid with dry cement at a preprogrammed ratio.

This project is to establish and make a detailed and correct BOM (Bill of Material), drawings and wiring diagram for it.
Source local suppliers for parts and fabrication.
Launch project to order items, build and assemble system.
Integrate system on unit, qualify and test.

My group will be presenting our case to Schlumberger this Friday. Wish me luck man.

Anyway, this project will be absolutely insane. Somehow, I do not really care about my grades anymore. I do not even care if I screw up my HR2002, or my other modules, but I really want this project to be done well. I think my experience in doing this project will largely determine whether I will go into engineering when I graduate.

It's good that I will be so busy this semester. Stop wasting time wallowing in the past and unhappy events, and start to live again. I can feel the drive coming back, the fire which raged inside me during Chinese High and RJ, lost it in NS, got back briefly in semester 2, but lost it again subsequently. I have always been practising my flute everyday, but from now on, I will be practising with a vengeance. After my g8 exam, I will start preparing for my LTCL immediately.

Perhaps this is finally the real me. The Qicai during his secondary school and JC days. When I lost the drive, I changed a lot. Being aimless made me think foolishly and do very stupid things. From now on, it'll all be about running forward. I had been thinking at length about changing majors even at this stage, because engineering is really not my interest. Now when I reconsider, I think I will be much happier in an Arts course, like economics, philosophy, psychology or political science. But I will give engineering one more chance. The ME3101 project will determine this, and I will wait. What are a few years compared to a lifetime of learning? I am confident that if I want to, I can self-study the arts subjects and still learn a lot.

I can definitely feel the stress, and deep down I know I am still troubled by some stuff. But no use brooding over them, what's done is done. Feeling regret and being miserable will not solve anything. All I can hope for are that things will improve somehow. I will handle them as I go along, and handle them I will. I have wasted too much time already, and time is something I cannot afford to indulge in.

From now on, I will live for the moment. There are so many things I can do. CHIONG AH!!!!

More Random Thoughts/Events

2007-08-14T22:24:00.002+08:00

This semester will be terrible. Two major projects, flute exam, Da Capo. Stress level is expected to rocket.

Got my flute exam date, but I need to reschedule it because both me and my pianist cannot make it on that day.

So funky, my ex-bosses asked me to help teach the replacement of my replacement.

I was seriously thinking about piercing my ear. The flesh remembers when the soul forgets. But my friend didn't want to do it with me, so probably not.

I am, erm, drinking a bottle of Hoegaarden now. Stella Artois > Hoegaarden >>>>>> Tiger. And I'm feeling a little tipsy. Beer + lack of sleep = concuss.

Sometimes the hold becomes really tenuous.

Damn, just got an email saying my group needs to present to fight for our choice of the project. -_-"

You know how it is. Only when you have lost something for good when you really start to think about how to treasure it in the first place. Of course, not the mind. You cannot think when you lose your mind, I think.

Lol, fuck this, I'm getting super groggy. Sleep.

Random Thought

2007-08-14T18:20:00.003+08:00

Let's say there is a hypothetical situation whereby what's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine. What will be the outcome of such a situation?

Will both parties not do anything because they know what they work for will not be theirs?

Or will both parties try their best, because they know what they each get may depend on what they can produce for the other party?

Or will it be some other outcome?

I was thinking of doing a simple simulation using C, but I scared my computer will explode. Lol.

Mmm...

Feeling wasted

2007-08-13T22:41:00.003+08:00

Feeling like crap. Severe sleep-deprivation. Sucks man, got lesson at 9am tomorrow.

Aural Advice

2007-08-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

I was talking to my flute teacher about my aural woes, about how difficult it is for me to identify the exact key a passage modulates to. And then she gave me a very good piece of advice,

"Always listen to the ending chord. The ending chord will always be in the tonic and in the new key in order for the music to resolve properly." (I translated from Chinese.)

And guess what, it worked like a charm! So what I do now is to listen out for the ending chord, and coupled with my decent relative pitch, try to guess the root note, and from there deduce the new key. This may be obvious to some of you, but it definitely didn't occur to me to listen out for the last chord. It was a new piece of musical knowledge for me.

However, I still have problems concentrating on the bass line. According to my teacher, it is because flautists are generally too used to listening to the melody line. Which I realise is true, because the melody does interfere quite a bit with my concentration when I am trying to listen to the bass. But oh well, more practice I guess.

The Joy of Reading

2007-08-09T13:18:00.002+08:00

I am rediscovering the joy of reading.

I read four books over the past three days. I have witnessed an old man's struggle in the Gulf Stream, revisited the Discworld universe, and explored Hannibal Lecter's memory palace. I was intending to borrow more Discworld novels and another Hemingway classic For Whom the Bell Tolls, but I realised that the library will not be open today.

I am rather inspired by Hemingway's style. Write simply, but with deep meaning. As of all other simple matters, they are as difficult as they are simple. In my opinion, both a mastery grasp of symbolism and an inherent frugality of words are required. Every word tells and there is not a word too many. So this is how you win a Nobel Prize for Literature.

The Old Man and the Sea

2007-08-07T22:47:00.002+08:00

Devoured the Hemingway classic last night.

One of the most memorable lines from the book:

'Thank you,' the old man said. He was too simple to wonder when he had attained humility. But he knew he had attained it and he knew it was not disgraceful and it carried no loss of true pride.

The meaning behind such simple words. Its impact is only made more resounding from its resonance with recent events.

The book is so incredible that I shall read it again. And again.

Uh, am I in the right country?

2007-07-19T14:08:00.002+08:00

My body clock is mega screwed-up. I slept at 6+ am and woke in the afternoon, and I am still feeling very tired.

This is not good. Ok, tonight I WILL sleep by 1 am.

Back home

2007-07-16T15:41:00.002+08:00

Reached Singapore yesterday morning. And I woke up at 3pm just now.

The whole 17 days of the trip were great, but I think I'll leave that for some other day. Right now, I have too many things to settle.

1. Go for Rwinds practice every Saturday.
2. Resume my duties in the Rwinds exco.
3. Resume my tuition and my flute lessons.
4. Settle my driving lessons and test.
5. PREPARE FOR MY FLUTE EXAM IN SEPTEMBER.

Item no.5 has been bugging me even during the trip. I tried practising a bit yesterday, and I sounded like a monkey making random noises on the flute (We all know that given a sufficiently long time, a monkey typing randomly on a typewriter can produce Shakespeare's 'Hamlet', and so the monkey can probably compose Mozart's Concerto in D for the flute too, but I only got 2 months). I am almost mentally prepared to fail the aural component, so now I got to make sure I get my pieces and scales right.

Practise more please.

Arrivederci, a presto

2007-06-27T14:57:00.002+08:00

Flying off tonight for Italy. I will be away from 27th June till 15th July, and I will be NOT be contactable, because I will be bringing a different sim card there. So you know why if you SMS or call me and I do not reply.

Arrivederci, a presto!

Not feeling very cool

2007-06-23T11:10:00.003+08:00

Not feeling very cool today. Very restless sleep last night.

Not feeling very cool today. As the departure day approaches, my shoulders feel heavier and heavier.

Not feeling very cool today. The lack of rest from my job, band practices and extension planning, is finally catching up on me.

Not feeling very cool today. Sometimes some things happen whereby you simply cannot find any words to explain yourself, cos you know you are completely in the wrong.

Not feeling very cool today. Feeling seriously lousy.

My vacation job

2007-06-08T22:29:00.002+08:00

Just thought I'll blog a bit about my vacation job.

Firstly, many thanks to PK for helping me find this job, at her own expense! I really owe you big time man, I'll treat you in Italy lol.

I am working as a receptionist/clerk/secretary at the Management Office of The Bencoolen at Bugis. Basically the office is in charge of the tower, and we handle the everyday adminstration, maintenance and complaints of the tower and its tenants. There are only 3 people in the office: the complex manager, her assistant and me. But there is also a group of technicians and security guards to assist us.

At first, I was still green, and so I thought the job was quite siong. But actually, it is rather alright, and I actually have extended periods of zuobo-ness. But it's really awful that I'm the only temp, and I do not have a computer, so I do get bored senseless sometimes. But my two bosses are really great. In fact, they are incredibly nice to me, and I think they actually do like me a lot lol.

Most of the tenants are pretty decent, although you never fail to get bitches/man-sluts who are just downright obnoxious. And you do get some pompous farts who go, "You want me to use scotch-tape to stick the parking label onto the window of my NEW car!?", or "I do not care about your house rules. What house rules, they are just guidelines!" (Well, pretty true that, but could have been brought across in a nicer fashion.)

Of course there are the really great ones, and they are mostly the foreigners sad to say. The japanese tenants are especially polite and honest. There was this middle-aged Japanese gentleman who actually came down to pay for the season parking which was given to him by mistake for the past two months. I was going, "So may I know which months you want to buy for?", and he replied, "For April and May.". And I was like, "HUH?" (Ya my response was uncalled for, but what do you expect man!). I was really impressed with his integrity. And there was this really pretty Japanese lady the other day. Not just another pretty face, but also full of poise and elegance. Couldn't help stealing glances at her lol.

On a side-note, I have been doing quite a lot of thinking during my free time. It is one of my favourite pastimes. Have thought about a lot of stuff these few weeks: the personal, the past, the present, the future, the inane, the trivial, the intellectual....Life, The Universe and Everything, and so I actually have got quite a bit of stuff to blog about.

Yea, although this job is rather fine, and time passes quite quickly, I still cannot wait for the end of my contract, so that I can get a bit of rest before flying to Italy. And I will be sure to buy back souvenirs for the great people I've met here!

Vienna Philharmonic

2007-06-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

I was reading up on the Vienna Philharmonic the other day, and something interesting caught my eye.

"The characteristic sound of the Vienna Philharmonic can be attributed in part to the use of instruments and playing-styles that are fundamentally different from those used by other major orchestras:

The clarinet has a special fingering-system.
The bassoon has special fingering-combinations and reeds.
The trumpet has a rotary-valve system and a narrower measurements.
The trombone and the tuba have a different fingering and valve-system.
The timpani uses natural goat hide instead of synthetic hide.
The double-bass retains the traditional theater-placement in a row behind the brass.
The Viennese oboe has a special bore, measurement, reed, and fingering-system. It is very different from the otherwise internationally used French oboe.
The Viennese horn is a variation of the natural horn with a valved crook in F inserted, so that the chromatic scale can be played. It has a narrower measurement, longer tubing, and a piston-valve system. These valves have the advantage of providing a tone which is not so sharply defined, as well as possibilities for smoother connections between notes. Moreover, the Viennese horn is made of stronger materials than, for example, the French Horn (Double Horn in both F and Bb)."

Wow, very very interesting. To think they go to such extent in order to craft the Viennese orchestral tone. Anyway, the article featured some very intriguing information abt sexism and racism in the Vienna Philharmonic.

Below is a recording of the Vienna Philharmonic playing the 4th movement of Dvorak's Symphony No. 9. It's absolutely one of my favourite recordings. Enjoy.

The fall of Lucifer

2007-05-27T18:54:00.002+08:00

The fall of Lucifer, Gustave Doré's illustration for the Paradise Lost by John Milton.

2007-05-25T04:00:00.002+08:00

I wish I have a sound-proofed room of my own, so that I can practise whenever I want.

I guess I will go do some work for now.

The music of the night

2007-05-23T22:31:00.002+08:00

Went for an overnight outing at Pasir Ris Park last Saturday.

It was an enjoyable experience for me...having the ground as my bed and the sky as my blanket, and sleeping with nothing between me and the stars. Talking with friends, about serious stuff, about inane stuff, about anything, and seeing all of us laugh together. Or just staring quietly into the horizon, because the silence was just as beautiful. I really enjoyed myself, although we were all zombified in the morning lol.

It reminded of the other day when I went up Mount Faber for the first time. It was also another cool and quiet night, and it was very relaxing to just stroll around and chat. Maybe it is the hustle and bustle of everyday life, that I really yearn for moments like this, to just wander around during a breezy night. A quiet evening, with thoughtful company...it is my idea of relaxation.

The power, of the music of the night.

Mega-weird dream

2007-05-18T07:43:00.002+08:00

Have to blog about this before I forget.

Dreamt that I was trying to save someone from a stalker. In the end the person was kidnapped, and there was police and some chinese kung-fu fest in the middle, and then I woke up before the person was found. Somehow, what you feel in dreams can be so real. I remember being so angry about the stalker, and so worried about the kidnapping. And of course some other stuff.

The absolutely weirdest part of the dream was that it was this person, with another name.

La Mer

2007-05-14T15:38:00.002+08:00

RJCSB played Claude Debussy's "La Mer" for JC SYF 2007, which was held last Friday.

Perhaps my junior had already said it best:

"I could still feel the adrenaline even two years on - it was so weird. It was a total different bunch of people I barely knew and yet I so badly wanted a splendid showing. Initially I dismissed as natural; I mean why would I support them considering that very group in the past had been such an integral part of my life?

But Marlom hit the nail on the head. We so badly wanted them to do well as a form of recognition not just for rjcsb but also for us. Prove us right, do us proud - complete the job that we failed to accomplish two years ago.

And they did really. There were really some nervous moments after the previous few performances and I guess the anxiety was warranted. But as La Mer echoed through the hall I knew it was something special. It was such a pioneer attempt at french impressionism but it was just exquisite. The sound, the expressiveness, the tone, the expressiveness, all into one - the musicality. Probably still a little way from perfect but it was impressive.. far surpassed any expectations I had before.

Well in the end it went the other way. Many other ways - weren't good enough, wrong timbre, too unconventional, wrong competition, whatever.

Every performance is meant to enthrall and move -

- and there was no doubt in my mind that it did.

so bravo, rjcsb; once again."

I, too, was touched by your performance. To me, you sounded so refreshingly, wonderfully different, and you have demonstrated a musicality which was not shown by any other bands on that day. You may have been a little out of tune, a little too loud, a little imbalanced at parts, but you cannot hide the unmistakable timbre of your tone, the S in RJCSB, that orchestral voice which I love so much.

And once again, Bravo it is!

Daphnis and Chloe

2007-05-13T23:43:00.003+08:00

Daphnis and Chloe, by Maurice Ravel. What a hauntingly beautiful piece, what a passionate, aching melody. I'm falling in love with this piece. Mr Oura is thinking letting RJCSB play this for SYF 2009. If the transcription is good and it's played well, this piece will be so incredibly gorgeous. How I wish I have the chance to perform it...

Becoming anorexic

2007-05-13T12:28:00.002+08:00

Well, not really, just a bit sick of food these days.

Ate too much for dinner for the past 2 days: Friday at Fish and Co and Saturday at Xing Wang HK Cafe. I ended up sleeping very badly for the past 2 nights because lying down on bed made me feel nauseous. I just had lunch, and I tried not to eat too much, but I still felt queasy after the meal.

Sucks man.

Invisible Pink Unicorns

2007-05-09T10:39:00.002+08:00

“Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can’t see them.”—Steve Eley

Spiderman 3

2007-05-08T22:44:00.002+08:00

Just came back from watching Spiderman 3.

This particular phrase from the show caught my attention. "After you have done something wrong, you should then do the most difficult thing: forgive yourself." Struck a chord with me.

Anyway, the show. Yes, I think this is the worst Spiderman movie thus far. The acting is painful, the script is cheesy, and the storyline is silly. Only thing going for it is the action, but that didn't even impress me that much. And I am very sure a lot of Spiderman fans hate this show. Dude, Venom lasted like...half the show? It's bloody VENOM for goodness' sake! And Venom in this show isn't even awesomely cool. The symbiote arc was so awesome in the cartoon, but the movie totally ruined it.

I cannot imagine how Spiderman 4 will be, if it's even in production.

Proclamation

2007-05-08T11:30:00.002+08:00

I am pretty amazed at how I can get by these days with so little sleep.

Of course, I have thought about all the logical aspects. Rationally, there is only one path to take, and I believe for this instance, the rational path is also the best path. But it is not easy, emotions are always in the way.

Peering past my facade through the looking glass, the problem seem to be that I feel very disturbed when things get out of control. And I always want to get to the bottom of things, to want to completely understand and know what's going on, to seek explanations and reasons for everything. This is probably a very good attitude to take intellectually, but completely unrealistic for interpersonal relations.

The strain has been heavy. My mood was a complete wreck for the past week. For those I went out with and found me distracted and looking very tired, I sincerely apologise. I have decided to really stop this once and for all. Like what was said, it is really pathetic to live like this. I wouldn't say all these are not worth it at all. If it's not worth it, I wouldn't be so troubled. More like, I should quickly reach a settlement within myself, instead of dwelling on it for so long.

Perhaps it would have been much easier if I do not feel so much guilt. I am feeling immensely guilty. And regret. Especially regret. It is the worst feeling for me. I do not think I can ever get past regret. There is no way I can convince myself to be fine with regret. All I can do is to let time erase it for me, but I know it will always be there.

I hope to develop the strength of character which not only knows what to do, but is also able to go about doing it. More importantly, this strength can be applied to everything in life. A man should do what ought to be done.

I will try my best to make history of the unhappiness, to vanish it for the days yonder.

A step forward

2007-05-05T18:34:00.002+08:00

I have been practising a lot for the past few days. Close to 3 hours everyday.

My flute teacher gave me "Daily Exercises for the Flute" by Taffanel and Gaubert. It is one of the standard practice material for all conservatory students, and is used by professionals all over the world for their warm-ups. Having it really makes me feel like I'm a 'real' flautist. And she assigned me this quite difficult etude. Now I am feeling really motivated to practise like mad.

I am really glad and honoured that my flute teacher have faith in my abilities. It makes me feel that I am really progressing as a musician. But she also said something very true. She told me that I am at a level whereby it is really difficult to improve, and all I can do is to practise very hard and wait for a breakthrough. I think it is very true. But I am really glad. After practising the Taffanel and Gaubert for the past few days, I feel that I am gaining a lot of insights regarding tone and technique, which I never really thought about before. The first breakthrough in my playing came when I auditioned into SYO, and went under Jinta. The second breakthrough came when I was selected for the main orchestra a few months later. Now I am hoping for the third breakthrough, for that incredible surge in playing which almost appear miraculous.

Today, I was talking to this friend about what he plans to do after graduating, and he said he'll be studying under a local conductor. I was really impressed when I heard that. He is going to do something completely irrelevant to his degree, but it is something he loves, and dares to pursue. I started thinking about myself. My true love is the flute, not engineering. Do I really dare to do the same? I keep telling myself I am too old, and my music theory is weak. But am I really just escaping and refusing to give myself a chance? Instead of saying I'm too old, why can't I tell myself that I am still young and I can still do a lot? Instead of worrying about my music theory, why can't I just study harder to make up for it? It is indeed too late to become a professional player, but if I work hard now, maybe I can still do something in music. I didn't give myself a chance a few years ago, do I not give myself a chance now and regret it again?

In any case, I think it's better to finish my degree. I am already halfway through it. I just have to do what I can in the meantime.

A step forward, for my playing and my thinking.

Nerd Score

2007-05-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

I am a little nerdy because I recognise James Clark Maxwell and I just knew that Mn stands for manganese. I am not so nerdy because I do not know what is telnet/ssh and I do not have a graphing calculator.

Cookies!

2007-05-03T00:01:00.002+08:00

Just to spice up my blog, a Subway cookie for anyone who finds the link between my blog address and some other stuff on my blog. Should be easy. Anyway Mark Ho Jiaming you are barred from this, for obvious reasons.

3(b)

2007-05-02T17:26:00.003+08:00

My papers ended on Monday. The papers were quite alright, although I outdid myself for Fluid Mechanics II. Last semester, I forgot to do 5 marks for Sensors and Actuators because they were at the very very last page, and so I didn't see. For the Fluids paper, I actually missed out 8 marks. I did 3(a), and then I went on to 3(c). I have no idea why my brain conveniently filtered 3(b). I only discovered at the end of the exam, and I was like, "FUCK!" That was so mindboggingly incredible. This entry deserves to be titled after that.

Holidays. I do have a number of holiday resolutions which I hope to follow through.

1. Practise my aural for my grade 8 exam. This is top priority. I have a flautist-friend who plays very very well, in fact I think he plays the best among all my peers, but only got a merit for his g8 because he almost failed his aural. This really scares me. I need to work very hard on my ears.

2. Practise my flute. Like duh.

3. Get a job. To pay for Italy.

4. Exercise regularly. Like what my flute teacher told me, my playing is limited not by my technique but by my physical fitness. To play any wind instrument well, you'll need a strong body. I agree with that too. And so I am going to try to shape up, for my playing if not for my health.

5. Read. Except for my Times and Reader's Digest, I have only read one book this semester.

I am looking forward to attending JC SYF and going back for band pracs. And of course, Italy. I hope as the days go along I'll have more things to look forward to. For now, the past few days were really really mundane. Like mind-rot.

Completely disgusted

2007-04-14T20:40:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, do you say or do things which you really really really wish you never did?

I totally do not know what to say...I am just completely disgusted with myself. Sorry does not even mean anything now. Even if I didn't know what had happened, why didn't I just try to consider whether there was a bigger picture? Try to be more understanding? I just gave in to my personal whims, and spoke on impulse.

When I read that...I was shell-shocked. Turned white. I was even trembling a little. Oh my god, what have I done? Everything I had said seemed completely childish and trivial. I should have known how silly it was. In fact, I knew that, but I failed to control myself...

I do not know how I can face the person...I am still trembling a bit...

Can't sleep...

2007-04-10T02:00:00.002+08:00

Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep Can't sleep vvvvvvvCtrl-V.

I have always prided myself on my discipline, but sometimes I wish I have the discipline to SLEEP, to be able to shut off my mind when I go to bed.

AHHHH STUPID BLOG they say it's better if you let out your thoughts but what's the use of a stupid blog if you don't dare to write what you feel but I guess it's good for random stuff like when you CAN'T FFS get to sleep maybe I need a DAIRY I mean DIARY but I guess some milk will do me GOOD now.

Well, that felt kinda good. I shall try sleeping again.

ANYWAY NODAME IS QUITE CUTE I personally prefer long hair but NODAME is just so tres kawaii beaucoup (that's for you yokes the french part I mean) in short hair ok I'll really go to bed now.

Nodame Cantabile, First Love, and more

2007-04-08T23:53:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching Nodame Cantabile.

It was truly a most wonderful journey with Chiaki and Nodame, watching their progress as individuals, musicians, and lovers. I will not go into details regarding the series, but some of the scenes and music-making really almost moved me to tears. S-Oke's debut with Beethoven's Symphony no 7, R.S Oke's debut with Brahms' Symphony no 1, Chiaki's Rach 2, ALL of Nodame's playing, and finally ending off with Beethoven 7. I was really touched by the music and the people in the show, and frankly speaking I'm now quite obsessed with the theme from Beethoven 7 which was used in the show. Here is a video of the piece:

The main theme used in the show appears around 4:30, but start listening around 5:00 for the beautiful flute solo! Oh anyway the video timing goes in a countdown manner, so yea.

The show also made me ponder over some stuff, stuff which I have been talking to a friend about recently. About daring to pursue your dreams.

I discovered my first love when I was in sec 1, when I started playing the flute. Up till now, I still do not understand why I love the flute, and why I love music so much. Maybe it's just that love is irrational. I dreamed of becoming a professional musician, and I practised like crazy everyday. I auditioned for SYO in sec 4, and I got in. From then on, I practised even harder, and my playing improved by leaps and bounds. I was still dreaming to become a professional! But somehow, as I grew older, I was more aware of the realities around me, and throughout the whole of my music-life, no one encouraged me. Not even my family and my relatives. Eventually I quit SYO in J2. I did not even join SAF band in NS. In fact, I stopped playing during NS, and it's something I deeply regret. I picked up my flute again after ORD, but I had to relearn almost everything.

Sometimes, I wonder where will I be now if I continued in my music. I know of someone who actually auditioned for YST when she was in NUS year 2, and she got in. Right now, she is a very successful music student aiming to do post-grad work overseas. But I am almost 23 already. I am already lagging behind in terms of technique, and the theory aspect is even worse.

Nodame Cantabile really reminded me of what I really want to do. I do not enjoy engineering. I do not really like to study. If I had the choice, all I want to do is to play the flute all day long. Because I am happiest when I play my flute. I want to be in the company of music-lovers, to be surrounded by music, to be able to perform and share the joy of the piece. I do not want to do it as a hobby, I want to do it AS MY LIFE. But that dream is shattered. Maybe you can say it's my own fault, that I had a choice. Maybe so, but do I really? Choice, a word which is sometimes too easily impose on another.

Speaking about my flute, I feel like as if I have reached a road-block on my playing. Somehow, I do not feel like I'm progressing, and my practices nowadays are getting less smooth. I am trying to change too many things, and it is turning my playing upside-down. I am becoming more aware of the shortcomings in my playing, but the more I try to change them, the messier my playing gets. Exams are coming, and I need to start my revision, but all I really want to do is to practise my flute. There are so many things I need to work on, and so little time! I am feeling increasingly frustrated.

Disorganised post, yes. I am just typing my thoughts as and when they come.

The music...it sings in my blood. Ah, what joy and pain!

Perhaps the best I can do now is to make full use of whatever time I have and try to improve as much as I can. But one thing is for sure. I will never give up music. As my first love it entered my life, and as my final love it will enter my grave...

Cursed day

2007-03-27T18:17:00.002+08:00

Well, more of cursed morning. Today, on my way to school, when I reached the MRT station, I realised that I forgot to bring my wallet. However, when I always carry a spare ez-link card in my bag, so I thought I will be fine. Unfortunately, my card only had $1.43! I didn't want to go back home, as I will be late for my tutorial, and so I hopped onto the train thinking that $1.43 will be enough to get me to school at least, where I can borrow some money from my friend.

But I'm cursed! The trip to Buona Vista took $1.64 (GOD, how come public transport in Singapore is so expensive!), and so I ended up being trapped at the station. I cannot go to school, and I cannot go back home. I called one of my friends who live nearby (and hoping he is still at home), but he didn't pick up the call. I actually had to call some of my friends in school to come rescue me, and they were nice enough to agree. I felt SO bad, and luckily I bumped into a friend at the station! In the end, by the time I reached school, the tutorial was over, and I had to go for the other one during the next hour. I ended up not having time for lunch (well I didn't have the money anyway haha), and I had to starve my way till I got back home.

I was telling my friend this, and he said, "You should have borrowed money from some hot nus chick, and then you'll have a reason to ask for her number." DAMN, didn't occur to me. LOL, like I will really think of that when I'm panicking.

Really terrible day man, I hope this bad luck will not carry over to my tests on Wed and Thurs.

Intempo 2007

2007-03-19T23:03:00.002+08:00

Last night was the culmination of 3 months' of hard work.

During the beginning of this semester, I remember being quite hesitant about joining NUSWS. I wondered if I could cope, wondered if I can put up with all the late nights. In the end, I decided to give it a go, and I am very glad I did. The whole journey to Intempo was nothing short of a wonderful blast. Sure, it was a lot of hard work, but everything was worth it.

The band definitely improved a lot since I first joined it. Mr Leonard Tan is a really terrific conductor! The concert itself was okay, definitely not as good as during our final rehearsals. I think everyone was too concerned over their own parts, and as a result the band was not able to reach its full potential. I played really badly too. I think the intensive practices during the final week really tired me out. I could hear my sound becoming worse from prac to prac. And man, I sounded SO airy during the concert! Felt really disappointed, but I guess nothing can be done now.

I am very much looking forward to the Italy trip and Da Capo. I am sure it'll be loads of fun all over again! But for now, I need to go back to being a student. I haven't attended lessons for so long, and I have no idea where my lecturers have taught until. Well done!

Need help in gaining weight

2007-02-21T18:28:00.002+08:00

I need advice. My weight has been dropping ever since I ORD-ed.

I was a healthy 60kg back in the NS, but recently, when I weighed myself during CNY, I got a rude shock. I'm now only 50kg!!! How!?!? Even though I'm short, but 50kg is a bit too light. 60kg is nice, plenty of meat to go around.

I hope to gain back the 10kg. All I can think of is to eat and exercise more. You guys got any suggestions?

Yo, I upgraded

2007-02-21T01:26:00.002+08:00

To the whatever new Blogger format, like finally. And changed my profile. Yay! Looks a bit different now, I'll try making more changes later this week, the thought of mugging for the rest of the week sickens me.

Random updates

2007-02-18T17:39:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, I am still alive.

Did not sleep well for the past two nights. I am currently in a semi-conscious state.

CNY eve pretty much passed without much of a bang. Just came back from visiting, and it only serves to remind me and my siblings how distant we are from relatives from my father's side of the family.

Started playing Go (weiqi) again recently, after more than two years' of break. I must say that I am pretty proud that I have retained most of my skill and so far have registered mostly wins. In fact, for some strange reason, I think I may even have improved. It is often said that one cannot hide one's personality on the Go board, so does that mean I have changed since I stopped? Come to think of it, I think my playing now is calmer, more thought-out, more measured. I think I am less impulsive, and I play just enough to win. When I am leading, I will not overplay and play unreasonable moves, and will do just enough to maintain my lead. However, if I see any weaknesses in my opponent's stones, I will viciously attack and not let them off. These explain why my wins are either by a very small margin or a very large one. If you are interested to learn more about Go, go there. It'll be nice if I have friends to play with.

The mental acrobatics involved is immense, but also extremely addictive. This is precisely the reason why I swore to myself that I will stop playing until at least my midterms are over, and I placed the oath upon something which is quite close to my heart. Sounds extreme, but if not, I am just gonna keep playing and be completely wasted for the rest of the semester.

My recent foray into Julius Baker's recordings and Cheryl's playing prompted me to make some changes to my playing. I am tightening my lips a bit more, and I try to visualise an "O" in the aperture when I play. And I realised my expression do sound quite similar all the time, thus I am trying to vary it. I think I sound better now, but I still need to ask for the opinions of my fellow flautists.

I have a lot of work to do during this recess week. I have 4 midterms to slaughter (I hope) after the break.

I cut my hair short. Again. Like everytime I try to keep it long, I'll end up cutting it all up.

A lot of people are falling sick these days. I wish everyone good health for CNY and beyond.

Alright, that's all so far, my head is killing me.

Awesome deal!

2007-02-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

I am selling my $60 Levi's voucher for only $50!!!

It is a really wonderful chance for you to get some nice clothes for CNY! Or if you know any friends who are planning to buy some stuff from Levi's anyway, please kindly direct them here!

If you are really interested, I may even slash the price further! The voucher will expire in June, so plenty of time for you to browse around =)

Feel free to approach me for further details!

Life sucks?

2007-01-22T18:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, do you feel that everything keeps going wrong?

That nothing good ever happens to you?

And you cannot seem to find anything worth smiling for, and you feel depressed all the time?

What should you do then?

Well...look no further! Bid for a new life NOW! For just around AU$20,000, you can buy a new lease of life! You will also get 6 jokes, 8 potential lovers, 15 close friends and 170 other friends! Do not let this golden opportunity slip, bid HERE now!

Hahahaha, seriously man, you can find all sorts of nonsense on ebay =p Anyway, the seller's blog is here, he's pretty cool I must say.

You buy my jewelry box I give you the jewels for free

2007-01-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

This is rich! Check it out!

Maybe the headjoint is plated with silver paint.